I do still exist…

I’m still here. Haven’t been dating much. Been working on being okay with myself before bringing another person into the mix.

I did go on a few dates with one girl recently. Everything seemed to be going okay, up until the fourth date. As we left the restaurant, I began to ask when she wanted to meet up again.

Her response, “yeah, I’m just not feeling it.” And then she walked away.

That’s it. No explanation. No discussion. Just “I’m not feeling it.” That’s it. End of story. Two minutes earlier, inside the restaurant, everything was just fine.

In fact, she spent the entire dinner laughing and smiling, and seemed to be having a genuinely good time.

I obsessed over every word I said and gesture I made. I was convinced I had said something so utterly horrible that it had made her do a 180 on the idea of dating me right then and there. I sulked over this for days.

And then, just as abruptly as she ended things with me, I snapped out of my funk and started seeing things for what they were.

She was a very friendly person, but had an incredibly difficult schedule. She wanted to work 11 hours a day, go home and go to bed at 8:30, and spend the entirety of her weekends with her friends or volunteering. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with any of those things. However, part of being in a relationship with someone – and for the record, I’m not calling this a relationship, as it was just a handful of dates – you have to be prepared to change certain things about your lifestyle.

If you want something different than what you’ve had up to this point, you need to start doing things differently.

In other words, maybe she had some personal issue with me, maybe not. Either way, she wasn’t all that willing to adjust her schedule to fit in a relationship. Without that significant concession, there was no chance of her having a meaningful relationship with me or anyone else.

What she was really looking for was a cat. But she hates cats. So maybe a goldfish.

Side note: I talked her out of adopting a dog. As any dog owner will admit, they are a HUGE time commitment. And if her schedule was so jam-packed with work, volunteering, and other distractions that it was difficult for us to have two dates in the same week, what chance did a dog have of being happy in her home?

So for now, I’m content being myself, and being by myself. I’m okay with where I am. Maybe I’ll meet someone. Maybe not. If I have a good story to tell along the way, I’ll let you know.

At the very least, I’m glad I haven’t encountered this girl yet: